you call this saving me?
by your-biohazardous-friend
Summary: For Tokusa and Allen it's just another normal day after the war


I do not own DGM Katsura Hoshino does!

comments, advices, constructive critique etc. are always welcomed and appreciated!

the story itself is a slight AU and was written for DGM_kink meme (the text itself is slightly improved from the original from said community - but not much)

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"_**You call this saving me?"**_

_by your-biohazardous-friend

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_

THE big orange plate of the setting sun was on the sky for anyone, who needed it's calming rays. Tokusa of all people needed it the most. It was another of those times in which the aching pain in his arms stumps were the worst. Ironically it was also the time of the both Anniversary of the winning with Earl and, for most of the Black Order members, the start of something new.

The man closed his eyes and leaned back to enjoy the subtle warmness – not so long after the war ended when he was still in the infirmary he realized that there are just three kinds of warmness that helped him to deal with the pain: the 1st was when he curled into himself with his arms more or less pressed to his stomach, the 2nd was the Sun shining through the window.  
And last but not least - the most effective method - was Allen Walker himself - who often came all the way from his own bed to Tokusa's, just to crawl under the covers to press the warm body to his own. They often fell asleep like that just to be woken up by wrath of the Matron who violently dragged the-youngest-general-in-the-history-of-the-Order by the ear to his own bed.

Tokusa smiled to himself - It was rather sarcastic that Allen Walker was both the cause and cure for his… loss...

_"I. Just. Tried. To. SAVE. you" teen choked violently with tears steaming down his face. He knew that Tokusa was just bitter for not being a man that used to be. But thought of him just disappearing for his life was… terrifying.  
"You call this saving me? If you just didn't interfere…" the man trailed angrily his voice shaking "I was a fearless crow…"the man chanted tears now pouring out of his eyes voice trembling even more violently" fearsome 3rd exorcist and now I'm just armless… weather forecast with incomplete entrails."_

_"But… but! Tokusa!. Come on! Look at me!" and so Tokusa did look at the barely adult teenager - half of the boys face was wrapped in the blood soaked bandages "We all have fought in this war too and now after we won: Look at Alma, Timothy, Krory, Lenalee! Look at ME! my innocence arm is as useless as it was at the beginning"_

_"at least you have both WHOLE arms and one still WORKING"_

_"you have both eyes while I have only one" the older man sighed defeated – Allen Walker lost his eye in the fight with the Noah of dreams she had literally stabbed teen's cursed eye with one of her candles._

_"is that… Bookman's eye patch?" the green-haired man felt ashamed of his outburst_

_"a-h, yes, Lavi gave it to me before he…left" there was bitterness in the younger man voice "when I was younger all the people looked disturbed looking at my cursed eye, but now when it's finally… gone… they're even more petrified seeing the place were it suppose to be ANY eye– so I decided to cover this… hole"_

_"so" the ex-crow didn't wanted to finish the conversation just yet "when are you leaving?"_

_"Leaving?"  
-_  
Tokusa felt somebody's shaking his shoulder lightly and lazily cracked his eyes open just to see young white haired man smiling at him… the smile was indeed, warmer than the sun.

"do your arms hurt?" Allen asked worried and sat next to the ex-crow "you were murmuring something…"

"yes, indeed, they do" the man replied sleepily

"is it going to rain?"

"it's not THIS kind of pain"

"sorry, I just hoped it's not THE pain"

"nothing can be done"

"I… I know!" Walker picked up something he put on the ground in order to wake his friend – it was a basket with few sandwiches neatly piled up and a flask full of tea "we received some letters" the younger male said excitedly twisted the cap of the flask and poured warm tea to it.

Tokusa was amazed how the younger man quickly learned how do things with just one hand.  
Then older male was forced to drink said tea – it's not that he didn't like the way Allen took care of him – he was better than any nurse he stumbled upon and FAR more better than Madarao – although the beginnings WERE awkward for both Allen and him - like when they had to work out the best way to handle the toilet or bath issues – and OTHER situations as well.  
About some he felt flustered even thinking of.

"letters? I thought they all have phones or something like that" Younger man held a sandwich in front of Tokusa's mouth – he bit it and chewed carefully, Walker followed - biting the other side of said food – they were practically sharing every meal like this – they found out that using two sets of dishes and cutlery or switching sandwiches all the time is annoying, pointless and far from being practical.

Although they received lot's of stares while eating like this in public – men were looking at them with disapproval – even disgust, women, on the other hand, with adoration.

"for example from Alma and BaKanda" Allen answered with amusement but with the frown on his face "well you can say it's more like Alma's letter than Kanda's, they're both fine and still travelling around the World.  
At first they were searching for this woman Kanda once knew but Kanda being as retarded as he is forgot about this 'mission' of his – so right now they just enjoy each other's company"

"next one is from Timothy" the younger said with his cheeks slightly reddened "he, ran away from another foster family… again" white haired exorcist laughed "he wrote that he's doing great, he found a dog and called him Ambrosius - right now he's working in the brothel" Allen replied as if there was nothing weird with the statement

"he works where again?"

"the brothel" Allen repeated "he helps the workers to lay marble tiles there and does all those weird odd jobs, from time to time he's even a substitution of a waiter, he's still under-age so it's still rather illegal but once you've become an adult, even if it's only mentally, there is no turning back – he hates when, as he stated in the letter, 'another new mother sweetly orders him around and is disappointed when he prefers to study over playing football', only Tsukikami was allowed to act like a mother-hen around him" the ex-exorcist's face darkened.

Tokusa could only guess what kind of pain parasite type exorcists were feeling during first days after the war – especially Timothy – Tsukikami was more than just tool against the Akuma army, their bond ran deeper than it was previously estimated – as Tokusa recalled those 'first weeks of Peace' the thieving teen was practically mentally unstable – he closed himself to the World – no-one, even Emilia, could get though the walls he built around himself.  
God bless, Bak Chang was the one who 'saved the day' forcing the white lab rat into teenager's hands(which Timothy called "Agent T" – the name itself was a first thing he said out loud since the war ended).

"And of course we received letter from Link and Tewaku too" Walker said in slightly over exited tone "they have, ok, more like Tewaku has, even enclosed the photo" Allen said, showing small square piece of paper "isn't their daughter cute? She surely has Tewaku's hair"

"and Link's eyebrows" Tokusa replied flatly which made Walker chuckled

"what Link's doing now anyway?" Tokusa asked between the bites of the another sandwich

"He's both a journalist and a... writer" Allen replied after a quick re-read

"Don't tell me he's writing some sort of sappy romance novels"

"that would be funny but, thanks God, no – he writes 'the darkest and the most thrilling crime fictions ever written with which the reader can explore the deepest parts of criminal's twisted mind' – at least that's what the article says"  
Allen shook his head as if to himself then took another sandwich and tried to make Tokusa bite it down but the man refused - sealing his lips in the thin line.  
Walker ate the last sandwich himself. "who knew he have enough imagination to write, when he was supervising me I thought that ha HAD some sort of graphomania but…"

"I once came across one of his last reports – what I've read wasn't exactly the report manner – I guess he wanted people to, at least a little, enjoy reading another day of your boring life" The silence fell as both warriors admired the view bathed in warm gold of setting sun, but the calmness was violently disturbed with Tokusa's long, pained moan followed with bloody coughs.

Both of them knew the pain is going to get even worst – Allen glanced at his companion tapping nervously with his fingers. The worst part of the pain was steadily building in Tokusa's body and nothing could be done about this matter – the only way was to wait till it's over.

"are we" he begin after a while "going to attend to Bak and Lenalee's wedding?" asked Walker and started to stroke the green haired man's stub gently to calm him, even if just a little bit, and to divert attention from the pain.

"weren't you suppose to be their… best man?" Tokusa closed his eyes. Violently shook his head like a wet dog would shake off the water from it's fur – it didn't help furthermore brought another fit of bloody coughs.

"yes, but I haven't accepted it yet – because if you don't want to go…"

"it's fine – We, both s-rt of… know what Lenalee's feelin' – after her legs stopped… working due deact… of her inno-ce-nce. She deserves…" the man half said, half whizzed clutching his stubs to his stomach. The sweat covered his forehead. Tears forced their way out of his shut eyes.

The way home was painfully slow – first Tokusa was walking staidly making longer or shorter breaks as the waves of pain came and went, however later it was Allen who practically dragged half conscious man – but he didn't complained about this even once – it was mutual establishment which grew between them as the began to live together.

Tokusa collapsed onto the bed curling into himself trying to steady his ragged and irregular breaths – Allen run into the kitchen when they kept the medicine chest(low enough for Tokusa to 'reach' it when needed) and took a small bottle of morphine and syringe.  
It's not that this particular painkiller could stop the pain but all-in-all helped the older man cope with it.

Allen did it several times already so filling the syringe and shoot went smoothly, after Tokusa calmed a little ex-exorcist covered him with the blanket and lied down next to him – cleaning his face from remaining blood with wet rag. As the older man was slowly drifting to sleep and the cleaning was done Allen embraced him and stroked his back lightly.  
Tokusa snuggled closer, pressing his sweaty forehead to crook of the younger's neck.

Before Allen too drifted to sleep the question once asked years ago came back again devouring his soul

**"You call this saving me?"**


End file.
